Another Cluttered Attic

I believe in light bulbs breaking and cars burning for the sake of humanity to continue. Everyone fears the end of the world, but I believe in the elegance of destruction, no longer denying corruption, taking back the lives that have been stolen due to the bullshit of society. Even if that means fire and rage, it will end up as beauty. For there is always beauty in destruction, like a painting slashed with colour, yet when you see the whole thing you feel full.

Sometimes I take naps and dream that there is blood and gore dripping down my face because I am eating everyone in the OWE. I wake up so well rested…

Can you tell me who I am? I feel confused and bewildered, that I cannot know such a thing. I look into my old notebooks, bound with words written, sketches and pages ripped out, looking for a clue as to how I got to this point. That makes sense, right? That I could find myself now if I know who I was, and where I had been. But I can’t connect the two. Two different girls existed, well, I guess it could be more than that, toddler to child to teen. Now I’m an adult, not really a young one anymore, and I think that’s where I missed some things. The young adult that may have existed seems to no longer, or the files never transfered, or they were torn up, set ablaze in angst. Hopefully you can help me, or at least give me a map. That’s a better step the none. Let me know.

Pine Barrens

I seem to be almost always sleeping. These days go on around the idea of a dream, one that isn’t even close to a nightmare. The days are short, but filled with sweet moments. I’m trying to do just that, stay in the moment. Whir winds of cigarette smoke mixed with laughter and the spinning sense of time. I’ve been working every other day and the time goes by so quick that it seems to be in mid blink, just to be thrown back into poems of others, photos of myself, slick showers of sweat from rolling around in bed just to get up and be in mid blink all over again. I don’t mind this feeling, I want to capture it and put it in a globe to keep safe forever and be able to enter the standing still perfect picture of these past few weeks, never leave and be kept safe from all the terrors of the world. I know I can’t do that, but the idea makes me smile, yet my eyes seem wet. Fear of the future is the only thing that can bring on the nightmares.

It was a good day.

The first cigarette of the day, and there’s still sleep lingering in the corners of my eyes. Bagels and coffee for breakfast, kisses and hugs and we continue on. Adventures full of music with the boy I love, exploring houses that seem alone, and soon after dinner and ice cream, the day is done. I will wake up tomorrow morning just to do it all again, but with more passion than before. 

You’re so much brighter than all of these, only comparable to the sun.